Saturday, October 17, 2009

There are two basic changes we could make that would bring about drastic change immediately. We need to discontinue the system of welfare as currently administrated, and we need to make every adult living in this country pay income tax.

Many people complain about the unfairness of big government's practice of income redistribution. However, the real problem is the redistribution of consequences. We take the fruit away from people who have done things right and have successfully generated good outcomes, and give them to those who have had no part in these efforts. Then, we take the bad fruit away from those who have made mistakes, done stupid things, or have not done anything at all, and place these troubles or costs on the backs of those who have done good things and worked hard to avoid the bad outcomes.

What else can come out of this other than having successful people become discouraged at working hard only to have a third party step in and steal the accomplishment from them. And why would those with bad consequences have any motivation to change their behavior when they not only are awarded with things they had no part in earning that were confiscated from others, but see the consequences of their inadequacies and stupidity taken away from them and placed as a burden on others?

Why should anyone who contributes nothing to the system have a right to vote for actions that steal property from others so it can be given to them? This is theft plain and simple. People who do this, and politicians who support it, should be seen as criminals and treated as such. Why would anyone who contributes nothing ever vote against any proposal or legislation that gives them benefits from their neighbor's pocket? Anyone who doesn't work, and anyone who doesn't pay taxes, should receive nothing from anyone that isn't a product of charity. And charity is something that should be provided voluntarily with expectations that it is only being given as a hand up, not a prop.

As if these practices are not bad enough, big government actually provides incentives for people to generate bad consequences by awarding them for bad behavior. Why do we provide benefits for teenage girls to have babies without any father being held responsible. We are told not to make moral judgments about how others live and to mind our own business. This would actually be a good thing if we weren't forced to make it our business once the irresponsible behaviors produce bad consequences that are then given to us.

Why should teenage girls be given welfare benefits consisting of food, housing, child care, and vocational training just because they behaved poorly? If it is forced upon us to provide all of these things for these girls who have babies they can't care for, and to in effect help to raise them, then we should perform this responsibility in a more effective fashion. The young children should be taken away from these irresponsible girls and raised in orphanages where they can be educated, given guidance, and socialized within a context of values. To leave them in the welfare cesspools like we do currently, only guarantees a perpetual stream of dysfunction.

We need to get back to the old fashioned notion of "no work, no eat." Provide for your own way, or get out of the way.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Fabricated Science

One of the outlandish lies promulgated by the warmist faithful is that an overwhelming majority of scientists are convinced human activity is driving catastrophic climate change. In typical Stalinist fashion they obviously feel that repeating this lie often enough makes it true. Why aren’t they compelled to share the evidence that informs their “science” with the rest of us?

It will be very surprising if these warmists don’t try to discredit the 32,000 scientists who, so far, have signed the Oregon Institute of Science and Medicine’s new petition truly demonstrating an overwhelming response from the scientific community refuting this fabricated claim of consensus. These scientists, whose numbers are increasing by a daily average of 35 signatures, are individually vetted by credentials and purpose to ensure their authenticity. The real scientific community has finally had enough of the lies and hysterical claims coming out of the politicized cabal of frauds masquerading as climate scientists.

National Post columnist Lawrence Solomon contacted the Secretariat of the UN’s IPCC to see if he could survey the 2500 scientists who purportedly constitute the “overwhelming” consensus of the prevaricating warmists. He was told the list was not public and the scientists could not be individually contacted. The Secretariat said these people were just reviewers who hadn’t personally endorsed the conclusions of the UN’s report. Even though the media incessantly claims these scientists endorsed the report’s summary, the UN never bothered to issue a correction that they really hadn’t. In fact, the chapter in the UN’s AR4 (the most recent climate report) claiming a 90% confidence level of human-caused climate change was written and reviewed by only 51 people! Imagine that – 32,000 and counting against 51. What an amazingly fraudulent joke the warmist’s consensus turns out to be.

The deception doesn’t stop there. Scientists employed by NASA’s GISS and Hadley’s CRU are actively engaged in re-writing the data obtained from observation. James Hansen of NASA regularly “adjusts” the data obtained over the years in a fashion that better conforms to his warmist views. He has adjusted the data at least 7 times since 2000 that makes the years previous to 1940 colder and the years following 1970 warmer. How convenient. Adding insult to injury, while adjusting the older data, he overwrites and destroys the original records! Please don’t let people like this, who should be considered criminals, take away your freedom.

Carbon Trap

Our power-hungry, money-grubbing politicians are licking their lips in anticipation of enacting legislation to bring about ostensible reductions in CO2. Although they know their actions will exert absolutely no effect upon climate or temperature, they eagerly recognize these actions will establish a process of global governance regulating our energy, economic, and political systems. Before we meekly acquiesce to the end of the American Experiment nullifying the industrial age, let’s give consideration to a few facts.

First, the rapidly growing evidence of real science indicates that the proponents of human-caused global warming are charlatans. No warming has occurred during the past decade and a cooling period is at hand despite the continuing linear increase in CO2. The fakers promoting this fraud are desperately working to change the lexicon from global warming to climate change so that any form of extreme weather can be claimed in support of their groundless theories. Next, the incessant claim of overwhelming consensus among scientists is a blatant lie. Thirdly, the policies being championed belie their deceptive motivations.

The Oregon Institute of Science and Medicine has just released an updated version of their petition containing the names of over 31,000 scientists (over 9,000 of whom are PHDs) stating “There is no convincing scientific evidence that human release of carbon dioxide, methane or other greenhouse gases is causing, or will cause in the future, catastrophic heating of the Earth’s atmosphere and disruption of the Earth’s climate…” Contrary to what the liars will claim, each signatory of this petition has been vetted for authenticity of credentials and purpose. In OISM’s previous survey decried by these liars, the only signature proven to be a fake was one fraudulently submitted by Greenpeace who then tried to use it as an example that the petition was flawed. These Marxists will stop at nothing to destroy our country.

These liars want a carbon cap and trading system imposed rather than a carbon tax, although both are based on an invalid premise. They want the trading scheme because the resulting “tax” will be hidden and will not be seen as a tax. They want our ire directed against the energy companies and not government’s devious policies. A carbon tax at least holds everyone directly accountable for the release of carbon, and everyone could decide for themselves if the true facts justified the imposition of the tax.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Crazy Critics

Proponents of anthropogenic global warming (AGW) are always claiming critics of their theory are in such a minority all of them could fit inside a telephone booth. They add to their version of a scientific argument by describing these critics as people who still believe the earth is flat and that the moon landing was actually staged in Arizona. Topping this off they state any of their remaining critics not plain crazy are nothing more than shills paid off by the oil industry. These global warm-mongers would have you believe no reasonable person in his right mind, and certainly no respected scientist, have any doubts whatsoever about their theory.

Apparently, the false prophets of global warming aren’t as sure of themselves as they let on. A group of them, led by high priest Al Gore, are spending $300 million in an attempt to make the minds of a recalcitrant American public right. Putting his money where his mouth is, almost-President Gore is contributing three million of his $100 million dollar AGW-derived fortune into this venture. What isn’t clear, and what his adoring acolytes in the mainstream media don’t seem to care about, is where the remaining $297 million funding this campaign to convince the already-convinced public is coming from.

Could it be coming from Gore’s fellow-traveling hucksters eager to cash in on his organized crime-like scam while it lasts? What a great deal – forcing businesses to buy credits to buy and trade hot air while a dumbed-down public is already primed to blame oil companies for all the consequential increase in costs! A public so eager to punish corporate America but too stupid to realize it is they, themselves, who will actually pay the cost.

Clearly these mob-like conspirators realize their time is running short. The ever-increasing body of empirically-observed evidence indicates much too clearly that CO2 has very little impact with actual changes in temperature. They must sell their scam before a distracted public catches on and wises up to the fact they’re being played.

Unfortunately for us, our politicians are just now realizing the benefits conferred to them by this scam. With Bush the Chimpmeister in lead, they are ready to place costs on our heads like we’ve never seen. Can you believe $4/gallon before June?

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Another One Bites The Dust?

One of the great problems with the theory of anthropogenic global warming (AGW) is that the projections of computer climate models bear absolutely no resemblance to the factual observations of the real world. Alarmists try to obscure this inconvenient truth while spinning their fabricated tales of impending catastrophe.

The amount of warming predicted by these computer models overstates the actual observations found in the atmosphere by a factor of 3. Greenhouse theory requires the atmosphere to warm at a much higher rate than the earth’s surface. This critical signal has not been validated in the observed data. Warmers tried to blame these shortcomings on the failures of satellites to demonstrate the same levels of warming as surface-based measurements. Even after both satellite measuring systems (UAH and RSS) reconciled their data with one another, dramatic differences with the surface remained. Instead of the atmosphere warming at a rate at least 30% greater than the surface, it is warming at less than half that found on the surface.

James Hansen, the chief NASA scientist, tried to explain this discrepancy away by claiming that the missing heat was being stored in the ocean and that when a critical tipping point was reached, this latent heat would overwhelm us. He called this fantasy his “smoking gun.”

NPR recently disclosed another nail in the AGW coffin. In 2003, NASA initiated its ARGO system to monitor ocean temperature. They placed over 3000 robotic devices in the oceans around the world. These devices descend to over a mile deep for 10 days before rising slowly while measuring each strata layer’s temperature. At the surface they transmit their data to satellites which then relay the signals back to earth. The robots then return to their original depth and begin the cycle again. NPR reports that over this five-year period of measurements the robots have indicated a slight cooling in the oceans - a finding completely opposite to what computer models had predicted.

Once again the alarmist scientists refuse to believe what they are seeing and make excuses for the lack of supporting data. As in their previous failures, they cling to the illusion their models are correct, and the real data is false. This is the nonsense being used to destroy our economy and impoverish us all. How long will this foolishness be allowed to continue?

In Their Own Words

The next time environmentalists and their Leftist friends talk about saving the planet “for the children” keep in mind the following quotes that display their true attitudes and intent:

“Human happiness, and certainly human fecundity, are not as important as a wild and healthy planet. I know social scientists who remind me that people are part of nature, but it isn’t true. Somewhere along the line – at about a billion years ago – we quit the contract and became a cancer. We have become a plague upon ourselves and upon the Earth. It is cosmically unlikely that the developed world will choose to end its orgy of fossil energy consumption, and the Third World its suicidal consumption of landscape. Until such time as Homo Sapiens should decide to rejoin nature, some of us can only hope for the right virus to come along.” - David Graber, Chief Scientist, National Park Service.

“Phasing out the human race will solve every problem on earth, social and environmental.” - Dave Forman, Earth First and Sierra Club director.

“People are the cause of all the problems; we have too many of them; we need to get rid of some of them, and this (ban of DDT) is as good a way as any.” - Charles Wurster, Environmental Defense Fund.

“Isn’t the only hope for the planet that the industrialised civilizations collapse? Isn’t it our responsibility to bring that about?” - Maurice Strong, head of the 1992 Earth Summit in Rio de Janeiro and business partner of Al Gore.

“Giving society cheap, abundant energy would be the equivalent of giving an idiot child a machine gun.” - Paul Ehrlich, “An Ecologist’s Perspective on Nuclear Power”, May/June 1978 issue of Federation of American Scientists Public Issue Report.

“We can’t let other countries have the same number of cars, the same industrialization, we have in the U.S. We have to stop these Third World countries right where they are.” - Michael Oppenheimer, Princeton University and lead author of the IPCC’s Fourth Assessment Report.

No matter if the science is all phony, there are collateral environmental benefits…. climate change provides the greatest chance to bring about justice and equality in the world.” - Christine Stewart, Canadian Environment Minister, Calgary Herald 14 Dec, 1998.

This sounds like they’re more interested in eliminating your children than saving the planet for them.

Carbon Faking

Lost in the politically correct rush to save the planet from global warming is the distinct possibility that carbon dioxide has nothing to do with climate change. New studies arrive almost everyday demonstrating the implausibility that CO2 is the culprit environmentalists and UN lackey scientists claim, while these same snake oil salesmen can’t produce one shred of evidence based on observation and science that it is.

Within the next several years we will know for sure that CO2 emissions have nothing to do with climate change, but the damage currently being done by the anti-capitalist witch burners will have produced untold miseries and deprivations upon the humanity they despise so dearly. Real scientists, who actually adhere to the scientific method, are sadly convinced that the sun is entering a period of inactivity not seen in 300 years. The unfortunate consequence of this is that we are going to enter a cooling period lasting at least several decades.

At a time when we should be exploiting every source of existing energy we have and finding more effective and efficient ways of producing it, we are instead shutting exploration and development down at the behest of false prophets like Al Gore who promise fairy tale fantasies of alternative fuels. Among the most egregious of these falsehoods are the government’s incentives and mandates promoting the use of ethanol.

Ethanol produces as much CO2 as oil and is only fractionally as efficient. This means that you will use more fuel with ethanol to go the same distance as you formerly could with pure gasoline. Corn withdraws more nutrients from the soil than almost any other crop. Farmers used to carefully rotate the fields used for growing corn so as to minimize this shortcoming. The perverse incentives generated by government mean more farm land is being devoted to corn than before, Land that was used for food, and incredible amounts of land that had been returned to forest, are now inefficiently being utilized for growing biofuels .

We are on the verge of an ecological catastrophe due to this lunacy. When the inevitable cooling period begins, we will have famines the likes of which haven’t been seen in generations. Because there are now so many more mouths to feed in the world, the starvation threatened years ago by the Paul Erlich’s of the world will become intentional self-fulfilling prophecies. Environmentalists will be responsible for this calamity.

Doing Our Share

Seeing how the scientists on the Supreme Court have classified CO2 as a pollutant, the time to act has come. To help my liberal Democrat and environmental friends out, I would like to propose the following legislation as one small attempt to address the global warming problem. I call it “Three Breaths and You’re Out.”

This simple but forceful initiative will help to alleviate one of the major human problems causing CO2 – breathing. Since people (especially Republican capitalist conservatives) tend to be very selfish, they take many more breaths than they should. Studies have shown that Americans take at least 25% of all the breaths in the world despite being only 5% of the population. My proposal would encourage people to be more compassionate towards their fellow man by reducing their current 10-12 breaths per minute down to a more sensible level of 6-8 breaths. This is not as difficult as it may sound.

If people just chill a little, relax, and stop getting so worked up about silly things like work, family concerns, and blindly attacking countries we don’t like, we could easily hit these new breathing reduction targets. An additional benefit would also be provided to our economy. Industries such as Yoga and Transcendental Meditation would likely see huge growth spurts and their employment ranks could rapidly swell. Also, population control and reduction would be enhanced because heavy breathing was no longer tolerated.

Since we all know that voluntary proposals like this usually don’t work, the federal government will be happy to join in the effort. Once they make the program mandatory, any offender who exceeds the new breathing targets three times will have a plastic bag placed over his head. This will ensure compliance and avoid any future non-conformity.
While it is impossible to know how George Bush will respond (science hasn’t yet determined if mindless muttering increases or decreases CO2 output), the previous administration embodies the characteristics required to model behaviors that will make the program successful. Al Gore, the former VP, doctor, and Oscar winning actor for pretending to be a climatologist, has so much self-control he hasn’t taken a breath in several years. Although not able to match the yeoman feats of his former understudy, former President Bill Clinton at least goes halfway by not inhaling. With stalwart examples like these, how can any of us fail to do our part?

Solar Power II

Proponents of human-caused global warming claim that CO2 is 7-8 times more powerful as a warming agent than the sun. Rather than making this dubious assertion they surely mean to argue that changes in CO2 volume are greater factors in climate change than changes in solar irradiance. Although this statement is still false it is more defensible than what was originally claimed.

Those who discount the sun’s influence focus only on solar irradiance while neglecting the solar magnetism that significantly compounds its actual effects. Recent studies have shown that cosmic rays can exert very large effects on cloud formation. As increasing amounts of cosmic rays enter our atmosphere, lower level cloud formation is increased which reflects solar radiation back into space. This exerts a cooling influence upon earth’s temperatures. When solar magnetic activity is higher, fewer cloud-forming cosmic rays are allowed to enter our atmosphere and warming of the earth increases.

Solar activity was at its highest levels ever recorded during the last 30 years of the 20th century until declining in the past decade. The global warming that occurred until late in that century has stopped and is now showing signs of a decline. The last twelve month period has shown temperature decreases of between .65 and .75 degrees Celsius as measured by the four primary measuring facilities; Hadley, NASA’s GISS, and satellite data calculated by Remote Sensing Systems (RSS) and University of Alabama-Huntsville (UAH). This represents the largest one year change ever recorded, up or down. It also is a figure that in absolute terms entirely offsets all of the global warming of the last century!

One year’s change does not prove anything and is only anecdotal in nature. But it does provide a strong rationale for questioning the actual warming effect of CO2 which has continued upon its linear increase in volume with no apparent effect on temperature. As should be expected, natural variation dwarfs any human signal that can be found in climate change.
Legislating policy that seeks to control a factor only marginally involved in climate change is not only folly, but extremely dangerous. If the signs we are seeing indicating a cooling trend are indeed accurate, our ability to produce food will be severely challenged. If anything, we should be seeking to increase, rather than eliminate, the atmospheric CO2 that promotes the growth of plants.

Solar Power

As the false prophets of manmade global warming continue to use their fabricated data and computer-driven scare stories in doing their best Chicken Little routines, a real crisis lurks in the background. A real catastrophe is in the making unless we tell these doom-saying profiteers and their moronic theories to take a long hike off a short pier.

Scientists committed to discovering the truth about climate have serious concerns regarding solar activity. For at least 13,000 years the average solar cycle has lasted 10.7 years. The current solar cycle (referred to as #23) has already lasted 12 years. Seeing how the reverse polarity sunspots that signal new solar cycles have been conspicuously absent so far, the earliest cycle #24 can begin is late this year or sometime in 2009. The last time a solar cycle was extended this far was in the early 1800s – a time known as the Dalton Minimum. These extended cycles always precede eras of cold temperatures. The solar physicists are concerned that if this cycle goes longer it could presage conditions similar to the Maunder Minimum that ushered in the Little Ice Age that began in the 17th century. The occurrence of something similar to either of these cold cycles portends very difficult times for humanity. Growing seasons are dramatically shortened and areas conducive to agriculture move steadily towards the equator.

So at a time when we should be bolstering our energy supplies and protecting our quality farmlands, we are restricting energy development and allocating ever-increasing amounts of farmland to biofuels. Already over one-third of our corn crop is used in production of ethanol – a very inefficient and polluting fuel.

CO2 only has a very marginal effect on temperatures as its volume increases. Its recent increases will do very little to offset the cooling period we are now entering. However, CO2 is a powerful fertilizer for everything that grows. Contrary to what the charlatans say, our current level of 380 ppm is below the historical norm exceeding 1000 ppm and not much above the 200 ppm below which plants cannot grow.

We have nothing at all to worry about our activity increasing the CO2 which is good for anything that grows. What we need to worry about is allowing alarmists to put into place policies that restrict our energy supply and ability to provide food for our families.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Convenient Lies

Our federal government has spent more than $50 billion over the past 15 years trying to prove human CO2 emissions are causing global warming compared to the $16 million in private spending funding studies critical of the theory. Despite all this spending no conclusive proof has ever been found. No empirical research supports or validates the projections of computer models regarding climate sensitivity to CO2 forcing, whether human or natural in origin. Models consistently overstate observed warming by a factor of 3. I challenge those among the warming faithful to provide clear evidence demonstrating CO2 has caused recent climate changes. Give us actual proof – not phony claims of consensus.

Rational people would move on after coming up empty so many times. But articles of faith continue to uphold this theory even though real science does not. Grant-hungry scientists choose to remain in the virtual realm of computers while denying what the real world tells them. The high priests of this theology fly to all corners of the earth demanding that the rest of us stop flying. The UN, while decrying the environmental damage caused by jet contrails, is flying 12,500 delegates to a two week long festival – err, I mean climate conference – in the most luxurious resort found in Bali. Many of these rooms cost more than $1,000/night. But, after all, this is to safeguard the needs of the world’s poor.

I am astounded so many have succumbed to the mass psychosis engendered by this hoax. While so many con men are getting filthy rich running this scam, people continue to belly-up to the bar to help them. Local school teachers commit child abuse by turning 15 year old girls into mindless activists and scaring them into thinking that walking across a bridge will make a difference. Al Gore had a net worth of $1 million when the people of his home state of Tennessee had the good sense to deny him the presidency. Now, after seven years of promulgating convenient lies and making a minimum of $150,000 for closed one hour sessions of media-proof propaganda, he is worth $100 million! He has become the patron saint of the global warming faithful despite flunking out of Harvard’s Divinity School. Everyone says Gore is going to save the planet. That begs the question of who is going to save us from him?

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Siren's Call

Although the cognitive dissonance of liberals limits them to religious zealotry and its attendant belief in man-made global warming, there may be some who haven’t yet succumbed to this siren’s call of hysteria. Even though liberals hate America and the capitalism that’s made her the greatest nation in history, and especially the oil that fuels this capitalism, maybe there are still some who are capable of reason.

Humans don’t cause global warming. CO2 doesn't cause temperature increases, it lags behind them as an effect. The oceans store CO2 in cooler conditions and then release it into the atmosphere when they warm - this is the earth's way of providing fertilizer for plants during the periods of warmth that are conducive to growth. CO2 is logarithmic in its heat absorbing capacity. This means that each successive unit of CO2 added to the atmosphere has less capacity to absorb heat than the one before it. The volume of CO2 in the atmosphere has already generated 75% of its total heat-trapping capacity and will soon be completely saturated meaning it cannot trap any additional warmth. Any additional increases in volume beyond this point will have absolutely no effect.

Even though alarmists can point to no empirical evidence supporting their nonsense they continue in their “Chicken Little” routines. They point to worthless computer models and refer to them as ‘science.’ Climate studies produced by the UN are fraudulent just as everything else this corrupt institution produces has been (Oil for Food!). Peer review in climate science is a joke as none of these studies can be replicated through the scientific method. The so-called scientists of these studies have not archived their data nor made available the algorithms used in their ridiculous computer models. Michael Mann, notorious for “The Hockey Stick” theory, used invalid tree rings in his study and censored data that demonstrated the 15th century was warmer than present. Phil Jones, whose work is still used by the UN to claim that the Urban Heat Island effect is not a significant factor in land-based temperature records, claims he cannot share the methods or data from his seminal research because they have been lost. Regardless, the UN still uses his results as primary evidence that humans are responsible for climate change.

The UN should stop using these fraudulent studies and renounce their corrupt attempts at establishing global governance through the abuse of climate science.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Moral of the Story

Warmer-in-Chief Al Gore tells us the fight against climate change is a moral crusade and encourages us all to do our part. The great German philosopher Emanuel Kant established a process known as the Categorical Imperative to help in determining what could be considered ‘moral.’ Essentially, that which is to be moral must be something we could will that everyone could do in similar fashion and we would still consider it moral in that it served the greatest good for the greatest number of people. Apparently, Gore’s morality applies only to other people and not himself.

It would take twenty years for most of us to use as much energy as Gore does in one year at his primary residence. Yet he is always on his soapbox telling the rest of us what we need to do to save energy. “It’s not that hard to do” he says while flying all over the earth telling the rest of us not to fly. He tells us to forgo use of fossil fuels while his family fortune has come from Occidental Oil Company. He preaches environmental sanctity while the zinc mine on his property paying him hundreds of thousands of dollars in royalties is ranked one of the most polluted and toxic sites in the country. When the term hypocrite was coined they must have had Al Gore in mind. What an incredible charlatan.

Gore claims his extravagant energy use is “carbon neutral” because he uses clean energy and buys carbon offsets. Then it turns out he “buys” his offsets from Generation Investment Management which is a firm he founded and receives the “offsets” as a form of compensation. The company doesn’t offer the offsets itself, but rather invests, for profit, in so-called “Green” companies that do. Essentially, Gore buys stock in his own company and then claims that its returns are carbon offsets.

What would Kant say? If all of us performed as Gore does, consuming energy extravagantly and buying indulgences from others to forgive our own excesses (and who would these people be if all of us were behaving like Gore), would our actions still be considered moral? I guess just like his “legal” responsibilities at the 1996 Buddhist Temple fundraiser where he was soliciting, and collecting, money from Chinese communists he would sincerely look us in the eye and claim “there is no controlling moral authority.”

Hot Air

Now that the scientists on the Supreme Court have classified CO2 as a pollutant, the time to act has come. To help my liberal Democrat and environmental friends out, I would like to propose the following legislation as one small attempt to address the global warming problem. I call it “Three Breaths and You’re Out.”

This simple but forceful initiative will help to alleviate one of the major human problems causing CO2 – breathing. Since people (especially Republican capitalist conservatives) tend to be very selfish, they take many more breaths than they should. Studies have shown that Americans take at least 25% of all the breaths in the world despite being only 5% of the population. My proposal would encourage people to be more compassionate towards their fellow man by reducing their current 10-12 breaths per minute down to a more sensible level of 6-8 breaths. This is not as difficult as it may sound.

If people just chill a little, relax, and stop getting so worked up about silly things like work, family concerns, and blindly attacking countries we don’t like, we could easily hit these new breathing reduction targets. An additional benefit would also be provided to our economy. Industries such as Yoga and Transcendental Meditation would likely see huge growth spurts and their employment ranks could rapidly swell. Also, population control and reduction would be enhanced because heavy breathing was no longer tolerated.

Since we all know that voluntary proposals like this usually don’t work, the federal government will be happy to join in the effort. Once they make the program mandatory, any offender who exceeds the new breathing targets three times will have a plastic bag placed over his head. This will ensure compliance and avoid any future non-conformity.

While it is impossible to know how George Bush will respond (science hasn’t yet determined if mindless muttering increases or decreases CO2 output), the previous administration embodies the characteristics required to model behaviors that will make the program successful. Al Gore, the former VP, doctor, and Oscar winning actor for pretending to be a climatologist, has so much self-control he hasn’t taken a breath in several years. Although not able to match the yeoman feats of his former understudy, former President Bill Clinton at least goes halfway by not inhaling. With stalwart examples like these, how can any of us fail to do our part?